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 Jesus has never called me. It doesn’t bother me, I’m just saying.

I like to think this ad is funny, but it isn’t really, is it? I don’t even know any more. I think I have been thinking about it too much, and now it is just “meh”. Maybe it always was.

I suppose, though, that we should appreciate what little humour comes from organised religion, because not much about it is usually funny. There is a church near my home that always tries to be clever and witty by putting funny signs out the front. Like they are going to convince you to go in. At the moment, I think we have: Free trip to heaven: Details Inside. How boring. I would rather go to Bali. And there was another one not long ago that I remember (how do you forget these things?): Can’t sleep? Don’t count sheep - talk to the shepard.

All very lame, but at least it is a blatant attempt at preaching. When I was a teenager, someone gave me a flyer to attend a Youth Concert and skate competition. Myself and a few friends got together and we went along, only to discover (to our horror0 that the concert had been set up by a church, the bands were christian bands, and there were people handing out “notes from Jesus” on brightly coloured paper. Unfortunately this was no mistake of mine, in-fact, most of the teenagers in my local area found themselves wandering the streets trying to find something (anything!) to do besides attend the concert.

So, while the attempts at humour outside churches can be annoying, at least they are trying, and at least they aren’t trying to trick you. When golden arches or the like start appearing, I will get worried.

Advertising Agency: Bos, Montreal, Canada
Creative Directors: Roger Gariépy, Hugo Léger
Art Director: Maxime Jenniss
Copywriters: Renaud Beauvais, Sylvain Thomin
Illustrator: Pifko
Published: April 2009

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It really does perplex me the way some potentially fantastic ideas and concepts will never get any further than a few squiggles piece of foolscalp paper, and meanwhile this sort of advertising - these sorts of images - are just put out there as though there is absolutely nothing questionable about them. Truly, it amazes me.

The first image. Normandy. Okay, little Timmy, let’s set up a whole lot of toy soldiers as real men, and then I will give you greusome details about the horrors of real war while we play. And then when we are done, you get to count how many toys are still standing.

Image two: JFK. We have a lego man with a blood splatter drawn onto his face. And then, of-course, comes the fun part where you explain why someone would do that to someone else, while his wife sits beside him. Unfortunately for me, I chose to watch the video link…and now I am disturbed, and very sad.

Last image: 9/11. Do I need to even mention why this one is so wrong? Ultimately, the little toy set-up of the twin towers with the burning plane crashed into the side of it is, really, just insulting. I have no personal connection whatsoever to these attacks, but I think it is sad that we live in a world that so soon afterwards finds it necessary to produce and accept ads like these.

Having said that, I also find the portrayal of what is, put simply, a man getting shot in the face with his wife by his side, watching in horror. And I am not interested in childish recreations of war. Most importantly of all, I would not want my child to see or experience these trivialised versions of human tragedy.

No thanks, pay television -  I will just read my kids a book.

Advertising School: JUNIOR* Academy for Art Direction, The Netherlands
Art Directors / Copywriters: Lisanne van de Laar, Niels van de Snepscheut
Photographers: Lisanne van de Laar, Niels van de Snepscheut
Published: March 2009

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Parents can’t forbid things they don’t know exist. Skins. Don’t let them know about this show.

Um, I hate to be the one to break it to you, MTV, but parents already know about this show. Everybody knows about this show.

In-case you have been fortunate enough to avoid knowing anything about Skins, I will fill you in. Skins is a television program that needs to use mass-drug use and experimental promiscuity to advertise itself as a great program for teenagers. Derr. That’s a no-brainer.

In reality, it is just dirty, if you ask me, and if you watch it, it gives you that gritty feeling of wrongness, and makes you thankful that you do not have a teenage son or daughter. When I was a teenager we had programs that dealt with sex, drugs, suicide - all the teenage issues - yet they managed to do it without compromising our innnocence (ha!). Degrassi Junior High, for example. You can’t go past a good episode of Degrassi to get the issues out in the open. You can enough have a good laugh while you are at it (especially at the hair).

You see, I think the people who make this show are really smarter than they appear. They know parents won’t like it, and they know why…but they also know that, when parents get angry about things as simple as T.V, kids will eventually just find a way to really piss them off. So, parents are at a total loss here. MTV knows this. They love it (clearly).

I am not offended by drugs, sex, booze or crimes, but I am offended by changing the channel to see a sixteen year old girl sitting on the edge of a bed, crying as she puts on her bra, the satisfied boy lying beside her. Dirty.

I think it is a shame that the most relevant television programs for teens these days are like this. I do not for a moment believe that this is art imitating life, but I fear that life will imitate  “art“.

I would rather my kids go and smoke bongs and have sex because they want to. Not because some seedy British T.V. show says it’s cool. Eeewww…

Advertising Agency: Leo Burnett Lisboa, Portugal
Creative Director: Horacio Puebla
Art Director: Luciana Cani
Copywriter: Pedro Ribeiro
Illustrator: Bruna Guerreiro
Creative advisor: Tura
Published: April 2009

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Very, very fresh vegetarian food.

First, I just have to say how impressed I am that there is a chain of vegetarian restaurants in Switzerland, and by the looks of it, one that is easily recognisable by the general public. I am not, however, surprised; those European countries seem to just do everything better and with more logic and sense than the rest of the Western World. Even eating. However, I must acknowledge that there are also stores in London, which suggests only good things.

Anyway, I digress into my own little world. Back to the point…

These ads are really clever, and I imagine they would have been quite effective. I know I would be curious about the restaurant after seeing an advertisement like this, because the “freshness” aspect really comes across strongly, and is very appealling. Quality and freshness usually do not come to mind when we think of chain food stores, and because this is a fantastic concept  and is well executed, the result is that this restaurant stands out from the others.

And while I know it couldn’t be avoided, I just can’t help but see broccolli, broccolli, broccolli, which only bothers me because people who are not vegetarians will probably just make the assumption that all we eat is steamed vegetables. I suppose if these were the only ads for this restaurant, then that might be a problem, but I imagine Swiss people are a little more open minded about food (after all, this is a vegetarian chain restaurant…I am still fascinated:-)

Anyway, great ad. I have been a vegetarian for sixteen years, and this is the first time anyone has ever made a tree look appealling…

Advertising Agency: Wirz/BBDO Switzerland
Creative Director: Matthias Freuler
Art Director: Priscilla Kämpfer
Released: April 2009

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Where, oh where, does one begin.

I mean, could this really be the best idea for the brief, “Orange Apple retouching is exciting to the eye?”. No way. This ad was the most shocking and funny idea, but the wrong people were sitting at the table the day they decided it was the best one.

This ad is just a big gross boner on someones face with an eyeball plonked on the end of it. It certainly does send a pretty powerful message, I am just not sure it is the right one. Of-course it is funny, but the gross overpowers the funny. Just looking at the image for longer than five seconds has given me an eye-ache; nothing that erupts from a person’s eye socket can be a good thing, not to mention a big hard penis.

Anyway, we all get how gross it is. But how about the process of making this ad? I mean, who decided how big the thing should be? Or what it should look like? Is this modelled after the head honchos package, or did all the guys get to throw in their two cents, thus resulting in this monstrosity? Maybe they should have checked out this site, first.

The big eyeball on the end really does it for me, though. It isn’t something you see everyday, and the play on words and imagery is great. Just sickeningly great.

Eeeeeewwwwww…….

Advertising Agency: DDB Canada, Vancouver, Canada
Creative Directors: Dean Lee, Cosmo Campbell
Art Director: Chris Moore
Copywriter: Jarrod Banadyga
Photographer: The Orange Apple
Retouching: The Orange Apple
Published: May 2009

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Ahhh…squeezing pimples. Very few people admit to enjoying it, yet we all do it. It hurts, it is gross, and we all know it makes things worse. Yet we all do it. My conclusion: we all like it. What other reason would we have for squeezing those tiny bumps that don’t need to be squeezed?

Unfortunately, whilst browsing for some interesting links, I came across possibly the most fascinating and by far the most revolting video I have ever seen. No exagerration. Here is a link, but please believe me when I tell you that when it says “Biggest pimple in the world” it means “Biggest pimple in the world”. The thing needs stitches by the end. If you have a weak stomach, do not watch it.

So really they have hit the mark here. It is different, good fun and (like most of the best ideas) really simple and great idea to promote the product.

The product that I Googled my little heart away for and found nothing. The mysterious Clearasil pill. There just seems something not quite right about a company giving away these wonderful new miracle pills in funky and creative packaging. And I have to be honest, I don’t really understand the copy (probably a translation issue). Are they trying to convince GP’s to prescribe these pills? If so, how does this funky packaging do that? And, more to the point, how on earth could they be allowed to give them away?

Of-course, I could have totally misunderstood what is going on here, but to be honest I don’t care and I don’t think it makes any difference to the effectiveness of the ad (surely the people who recieved these little packages knew what they were on about).

I have to wonder though, after squeezing a little pill out of a psuedo-boil how easy it would be to swallow…

Advertising School: Hambre, Leo Burnett Lisbon School
Creative Directors: Chacho Puebla
Art Directors: Pedro Vicente
Copywriter: Fernando Christo
Illustrators: Bruna Guerreiro, Ricardo Mico Toledo, Renato Lopes
Released: 2009

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Anywhere.

These ads are nice. I like the concept, simple, straight to the point, no obscurity or lame attempt at humour. No ridiculous exaggeration, and the novelty of a sink in your briefcase is good fun.

I can think of about a million more places where hand sanitiser is without a doubt the most important thing you can have in hour bad (However I will admit, they are not really appealling for advertising). Shopping trolleys, for one. They are just so gross. Along with handrails on stairwells and escalators, public phones, computer keyboards, and in pubs and bars. I could go for forever, because the universe has provided me with an endless supply of comfortable environments for filthy germs.

And whilst browsing online, I have discovered that I am no super weirdo - there are plenty of germs out there, and they want to get on my skin. Here is a weird site that suggests that germs are sexist. That’s right - apparently they like women more than they like men. So I am not as paranoid as I thought.

As you may have guessed, I have at times the tendency to border on obsessive compulsive, however to balance this out I also have the tendency to not care at all. I suppose, sometimes to me it seems like you can feel the germs on your hands. This hand sanitiser has been my saving grace, and now I do not have to cover my hand before I open public doors, or push the shopping trolley, or lean on the handrail…

Advertising Agency: TBWA\RAAD Dubai, UAE
Executive Creative Director: Milos Ilic
Art Director: Mohanad Shuraideh, Bassam Doss
Copywriter: Bassam Doss, Mohanad Shuraideh
Photographer: Lai, Groovy Studio

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