Illumen 64-Slice CT Scanner

Illumen Radiology

So it has come to this: Everything in the world can become phallic symbols. Nothing, not even a CT scanner couch has been spared.

Winter Park, Florida’s iSix Creative agency proves sheer dirty-mindedness could make for some intriguing, albeit whorehouse-stumping, ad campaigns. In the realm of print, it’s raising—or lowering, whichever way you see it—the bar of advertorial oneupmanship.

I wager Illumen Radiology has tapped the ad agency due to its considerable star wattage, crafting campaigns for reputable medical clients like Aloma Urgent Care, Physicians United Plan, Cardiovascular Centers LLC, Florida Radiology Centers, Health Care Services of Florida, and The Cardiovascular Institute.

Ironically, the effect of the first ad on me rivals that of a brain tumor. Just because the bed or table of a CT (Computerised Tomography) scanner slides backwards and forwards through a hole, the agency has contrived to make a statement, if not a catchy innuendo. To iSix, nothing could be more penile.

As for the other ads, they’re just as painless as a CT scan.

In truth, a CT scanning machine appears larger than as portrayed in the adverts. It is at least larger than a little girl’s head halfway through a blow job.

Essentially a sophisticated X-ray machine, a CT scanner simultaneously sends multiple X-ray beams through one’s body. With each pass, the computer reckons the strength of the beams. In turn, it uses them to simulate a cross-section of the body, a “slice,” on a monitor. If you caught the ad’s drift, the equipment takes 64 slices.

Really now, the ends of a scan are not as frivolous as the ads would have led us to believe. For one, a scan is used to spot and measure tumors and abscesses. Since a CT scan can locate critical organs, doctors need not operate to make biopsies.

Originally, CT scanning was indicated only for brain ailments, such as aneurysms, bleeding, and tumors. Powerful CT scanners nowadays can generate visuals of any body part, be it the spine, kidney, spleen, lung, or liver.

With a 64-slice CT scanner, the imagery is sharper and clearer. Heck, it is three-dimensional. In a single pass taking 0.4 seconds, it can already cover 40 millimeters. It takes a 64-slice scanner only 10 seconds to collect a high-resolution image of the whole body. The brain, heart, lungs: just five seconds. All patients need to do is hold breath, a bit longer if they’ve seen these adverts.

Advertising Agency: Isix Creative, Winter Park, USA
Creative Director: Keith Jensen
Copywriters: Keith Jensen, A.J. Martinez